not a fan of jesus

Monday Night at Destino we were asked, "What have you learned from Not a Fan?"
I answered, "I think I am more reflective of my actions."
I always have been but I have been catching myself while I'm being a brat and immediately stab my stupid fits.

For example, Sunday night I bought myself some steak because I have been feeling pretty crappy physically. I wake up and feel knots in my throat... I feel every ounce of starch hugging everything I eat and keeping it there with it. Anyway...

I go home on Monday and see that most of it was gone.
They cooked my meat.
They didn't ask me.
They didn't cook any for me.

There I was at home also thinking to myself, "I bought these stupid expensive bowls and they're using them as damn waste baskets?" So I grab my bowl and dump everything in it onto the sink.

Wait... I'm an adult... I can cook for myself. They're my family... they shouldn't have to ask... and it is just meat... it is just food...

Fighting against my pride... against my inner selfish brat... I grabbed the pineapple from the sink... every soggy cinnamon toast crunch and put it back... I washed the dishes everyone ate from. I washed the pan they cooked my meat in... and it made me happy.

I shouldn't expect my mom to cook for me... I should be cooking for my mom.

I've learned something from Not a Fan.
I learned that love defeats everything.
I learned that God blesses us and it is up to us to use those blessings to bless other people.

I learned that I need to stop feeling like I am deserving.
I learned that I need to stop feeling entitled to His gifts and share.

______________________

Really tired of school.
Tired of not understanding.
Tired of feeling defeated.

I have two exams tomorrow and I haven't started on my study guide that consists of over 200 historic terms of John Milton's life because I have been working my butt off to try and understand logic... but as of now, it seems like I have been wasting my time because

I don't understand.

I hate being worked up over school because at the end of the day.... it is just school.

Exams determine where you are... what you need to work on... I'm going to remember that... these moments or days before the exam, that make everyone nervous, are just a time for preparation... training to kick ass at your competition... practice to be prepared when you're out on the hardwood.

I want to get this over with.