Havoc Valley: Grief.

Then Peter came and said to Him, ‘Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven’

Matthew 18:21,22

Surely then you will count my steps but not keep track of my sin.

Job 14:16

Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish. In your love you kept me from the pit of destruction; you have put all my sins behind your back.

Isaiah 38:17

I was thinking about myself all weekend. Life of a writer, I guess. Well, no, life of a sinner. I was thinking about how I still go around counting the times I've been screwed over... or been let down. How many times have I let God down? It's always the same. There's probably about ten other blogs just like this one.

will

stop.

_____________________________________________________

Sunday Morning.

It's so easy to turn off the T.V.
To shut everything off...
Avoid everyone and cowardly blindfold myself from a world that’s hurting.
I didn't want to feel anything this weekend.

I wanted everything about the Connecticut tragedy to go away. I didn’t want to be sad. I did not look up anything other than click on the "prayfornewtown" hashtag on twitter. Friday night I was on my way to a bible study when the dude on 96.9 reported, “The gunman in Newtown, Connecticut killed twenty children and six adults before taking his own life – bringing the death count to twenty-seven.”

I drove up to my friend’s house to give her a ride and that’s all that was on her mind.

I expected to talk about it at bible study but we didn’t. We were in OUR world.

Sunday morning I entered church. My pastor said, “We need to mourn with the families in Newtown. We need to have a heart for people that are hurting. We need stop being legalistic and just listen and grieve with those in Connecticut – I wouldn’t know what to tell them. I wouldn’t tell them to rejoice. I wouldn’t say anything... just listen.” He painted a picture of the kids – the kids that I was so easily annoyed by last year when I tried to serve in children’s ministry – being taken away. Kids being dropped off at school, being hugged and kissed on the forehead before they went to school – kids grabbing their little lunch bags before getting on the American yellow bus in Connecticut – and not coming back. Imagine. Dang. Just imagine. I thought about my nephews.

“Pick me up after tutoring, tio.” -Tony, 7

“Me levantas… llevame con Grandma.” -Emily, 6

No way.

A lot of things need to change. Not just American law.

Internally. I didn't want to feel for anyone other than myself all week. I hate that I am so selfish and demanding with prayer. I want to have an honest grieving heart for people. I want to consider others before myself. I want to get out of my house and just listen. I am ashamed.

Repent.

Don't be selfish; don't try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.

Philippians 2:3